You're Gonna Miss This

Today was a bittersweet day and instead of boring you with every detail, I will cut to the chase.

I came back to my room at midnight from being at a friends house, to find my countdown until Uganda changed to 194 days. It is actually only 19 days. Seeing this made me a bit sad if I'm completely honest.

Tonight I held my last floor meeting as an RA. These people have absolutely changed my life. I've found purpose here. I've found what I'm supposed to do in life. Seeing the number 194 written on my whiteboard made me wish for that to be the actual number.

And don't get me wrong, I am absolutely thrilled about Uganda. I literally cannot stop thinking about it I am so excited. I am excited that it's only 19 days away.

But seeing 194 and recalling  a few things that were said in my floor meeting made some song lyrics pop into my head.

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this 

And it's these lyrics that made me regret every time I wanted to give up and quit the RA position. Because I already want every day back. I want to go back to the beginning, start over and live it again. I seriously wish the days had not gone by so fast. It seems as if I was just standing in the lobby welcoming the residents into their new home. And here I was tonight, having to start my goodbye process.

It makes me regret every time I spent playing my guitar instead of walking across the hall to say hello. Every time I wanted to sit on my computer alone, instead of opening my door to let people stop by.

But it's not about regretting things. God has blessed me greatly here and I am thankful for every bit I've encountered. I have dealt with some of the toughest things I've ever had to deal with, but I'm thankful for that. I've loved this, even through the difficult times.

A few months ago I was on a panel for people applying for the RA position and someone asked the question, "What do you wish you would have known before becoming an RA?" My answer was that I wouldn't have wanted to know anything more than I knew. Because if someone were to have told me that while I was an RA I would deal with: One of my residents dying, salsa being thrown on doors, my bulletin board being vandalized, posters being stolen, residents hiding, empty beer cans all over the place, some real rude people, and loss of a social life and any privacy, I never would have taken the position. I definitely would not have. No chance. But now that it's all said and done, I am where I desire to be in life, and I am thankful for everything I have had to deal with.

And I know I am going to miss this and want this back, but I am going to embrace these last few weeks of being an RA and college student. I am going to leave my door open, walk across the hall, and embrace every moment.

And I will probably cry like a baby when I have to say goodbye, but I am going to cry because it was good. I'm gonna take a good look around and take that key and open the door to the next room of my life. I am going to step on a plane and make a little journey to a new place. I am going to meet new people who I will fall in love with and will miss just as much when I am forced to say goodbye to them.

But it will be okay, because fortunately I serve a God who loves me more than I could ever imagine love to be. And this God of mine is going to take me by the hand through it all and everything is going to be okay.

So here is to these last 19 days in America, and to my new journey soon to begin.