I just want to hide away

Today has most definitely been the most difficult day so far here in Uganda. And honestly, it’s been one of the most difficult days in my life. I have never been so emotionally drained before. All I’ve found myself singing to myself is, “it’s been a long day and I just want to hide away.”

Taylor and I started out the day wanting to be positive. And we did. I made us some PB&J sandwiches to have for lunch and even wrote, “keep a smile on your face” on the bags as a reminder of Romans 12:8 that states, “If you work with the disadvantaged, don’t let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.”

On the way to school on the boda, Taylor noticed that men were shouting as a more than usual, and then as we were coming down a dirt road, there was a truck full of police men who waved us to pass. When we were next to the passenger window, one of the police men asked us in Lugandan for our number. We were confused so he asked again. We both just started laughing and Benard our boda drive just laughed and drove off. So basically the police of Uganda asked for our number and is why they waved for us to come up beside their car. We found this extremely funny and thought that they day might actually be a good day.

We went into the day with a new attitude and with smiles on our faces, but things quickly turned sour. And I honestly do not know how to put today into words. I feel a mix of emotions. I had to hold back the tears all day long, because the only place I wanted to be was at home. I was angry and sad and frustrated all at once.

So right now I just ask for prayer. Taylor and I are in desperate need of prayer right now. We feel so beat down. I never expected this all to be easy, but also not this hard. Today at the school I just wanted to walk out. I wanted to leave and never come back.

Nkwagala nyo

Homesickness is a term I am starting to understand. Lately I have just been missing home and all the comforts of it. It’s been an easy adjustment to living here in Uganda, to be honest, but I am starting to miss “home.” Although, whenever I begin to feel homesick, I just think of when I will have to say goodbye to everyone here in Uganda. And that just tears my heart apart and reminds me of why I am here and helps me to be happy with where I am.

On Sunday we were playing “futbol” when one of the girls hurt her foot and started to cry. The boys drug her to the side of the field where she continued to cry. It was in that moment that it hit me, that when I was that age, all I would have wanted was a hug from my mom or dad. But she didn’t have a mom or a dad here; no one to comfort her. It was then when my heart started to break for what breaks God’s. I found myself sitting with her, rubbing her back until she felt better and wanted to go back into the game.

Today at school, Taylor and I had a student who was just not at all paying attention and was messing around more than usual. We gave him several chances before Taylor went to the office to see if someone there could talk to him. The boy went to the office and Taylor and I waited outside talking with some other teachers. About 15 minutes later we went into the office to sit in there for a break, wondering where the boy had ever gone. We started to hear knocking and joked that maybe they had locked the boy in the closet. We continued on with singing a song we would later teach in class when we heard more knocking. Finally Taylor went to the closet and opened the door, and sure enough, the boy had been locked in there. I don’t know the expressions that were on our faces, but I know they were not good ones. The boy had tears running down his face and asked if he could go for a “short call” (pee). We said yes. While he was gone, Taylor and I sat there, not believing what had just happened. A boy, locked in the closet for not paying attention in class? The door was locked! When he came back he went back in the room…but we asked him to come out and talk to us. We ended up making a plan for behavior in class, but still had no idea what to do about the fact that someone had put him in the closet. We later talked to someone about the situation and found out that it was not okay to lock a child in a room like that…they could put them in a corner, but they had to be somewhere where they were visible. My heart began to break again.

I don’t really know what to think about all that’s been going on recently. It’s all just really sad. But I guess I just need to remember why I am here and focus on helping and serving the Lord.

Tomorrow after school Taylor and I are going to go with George, Mama Sarah’s fiancé to go buy tickets to the Uganda Cranes futbol game that is Saturday. We are also going to buy some jerseys. But here’s the thing, we are talking all the boys who live in the New Creation Family Home, but they have no idea and are not going to find out until right before. We are going to ask them on Friday if they want to watch the game on Saturday, to make them think we want to watch it on TV. So that is our excitement at the moment.

There is a girl who is serving on some of the short term missions teams, here early, who is staying with Taylor and I. Her name is Claire, she speaks French, and she is from Canada. She is super sweet, but our room is crazy crowded now.

Also, tonight one of the girls was teaching me some Uganda. Of course I had to have her teach me, “that makes my heart happy. “ Which is, “Ekyo kisanyusa omutima gwange.”

And you wonder how to say it? Here is how I wrote it out: “A-cho chi-sa-nyu-sa O-mootea-ma gwan-gay.”

I don’t really have much to say otherwise, so I shall leave you with this: Nkwagala nyo, which means I love you so much.

Finding Comfort

Being in Uganda has left me feeling a bit numb. I haven’t really felt any one emotion in particular. It’s been a lot to take in all at once and I haven’t really known how to process it. I finally came to the point where I asked God to break my heart for what breaks his and to show me all he wanted me to see here.  And of course, he did just that.

Taylor and I were asked to lead worship and the message on Friday evening, which was just the thing that I needed. We began by letting the kids sing some of their own worship songs and then we began to teach them some of our own. At one point I was sitting on the couch playing, “better is one day” on the guitar and all 17 children were surrounding me, worshiping God. I have never been in a moment so surreal.

The passage Taylor and I discussed was 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 which states, “Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for you comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in out sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.”

I shared with the children about how “Auntie Taylor” and I were nervous and scared to come here to Uganda and leave everything we knew back at home. But it was through them that we found comfort. I think tonight was our chance to share with each of the children how much they truly mean to us. They truly are where I find comfort in being here.

Each day on the boda ride home from school, Taylor and I talk about how excited we are to be heading back to the house, because of how much we love being there around each of the children.

God has been teaching me that when I follow the plans he’s made for me, everything turns out for the good. There are days when I wish to take a shower, or just feel clean for once, or perhaps even be able to make a McDonald’s run. But at the end of the day, God has provided me with comfort in this strange place I now call home.

I am thankful for the comfort, because I don’t know how I would get though this adventure without it.

On a lighter note, enjoy a few photos from the past few days…

The girls constantly request to listen to, Never Say Never by Justin Bieber. They all gather around the computer and listen to the song. They will ask you to repeat it until you finally tell them that you can’t do that anymore.

Charles and Henry are always trying to make someone laugh. Charles insisted on my taking this photo of him and Henry, so I hope you enjoy it!

And last but not least, here is a photo of a letter we wrote the boys in the house. Earlier, they told us to say Obama, but change the “b” to a “p.” So we did. They never told us what it meant. Later we asked one of the boys and some of the girls, and apparently it means “poop.” But they girls said not to ever repeat anything the boys tell us to say. We know that it means poop…but a more vulgar term for it. We are thinking it’s the “Sh**” word…who knows. Boys will be boys. But anyhow, we looked up some Ugandan phrases, pieced them together and came up with this. It means, “Listen, son! Watch out!” and gave it to them before bed.

Oh, and we successfully got the boys back for putting the pepper in my dinner. We put one in Charles’ dinner. As he gets up from the table during dinner he says, “Thank you Aunties.” Taylor then asked him if it was hot and he responds, “Yes Auntie, it was very hot.” These boys are messing with the wrong girls! We know how to play their game. And we are quite enjoying playing their game to be honest.

Little Moments

While eating breakfast one morning, I was reading through my Bible. I flipped to a page and read Ecclesiastes 4:12 which states, “With a friend you can face the worst.” After a rough first day of teaching at the New Creation Centre, I turned to Taylor and had her listen to the verse. It was that moment where I realized why God has brought us both here to Uganda at the same time. I always knew there was a purpose for it, and I was always comforted by the fact that we would be together. But it was in that moment of reading the verse that I realized why we were both here.

Things have been pretty easy here in Uganda for the most part, but Taylor and I both became a bit discouraged after our first day of teaching. But we’ve realized that we can face the worst with each other.

I honestly cannot imagine going to sleep each night, waking up in the morning, eating lunch, eating dinner, teaching, or anything for that matter without Taylor being there. I don’t think I’d make it through without her. I am beyond thankful for God bringing the two of us together to serve him.

Taylor has been a major support in this journey, and I’ve learned that in God’s love, I’m unbreakable. Before coming to Uganda I was worried about missing home and everything that was not here in Uganda that I knew so very well. And I do miss it all and everyone like crazy, but to be honest, I’m quite content here.

I have had a Cheez-It craving as well as Chipotle and Taco Bell, but for the most part, I’ve just been enjoying being here. I still think I can flush the toilet and turn the sink on when I want to brush my teeth, but other than that, I’ve adjusted quite well. The food is actually really tasty, but I am still as picky as ever when it comes to meat. Sleeping under a mosquito next is just bloody hot, but I’d rather sleep in the heat over getting Malaria, because if I got Malaria my mom might just chop my head off. Although, my mom should know that I’ve only gotten one mosquito bite and I’ve only seen one mosquito during my entire stay here. The only other things I’ve seen in the house are cockroaches, ants, and lizards.

And although I find those things just flat out filthy, I still love it here. I think the thing that’s going to keep my going is the kids in the house. I am dreading being at home where I will no longer get to go to bed hearing, “goodnight Auntie Kelsey” 17 times. Where I will no longer be told to, “sleep loose” and to, “kick the bed bugs till they're black and blue.” I am dreading a time where Margret will not be around to try and convince me to close my eyes and raise my arms so she can tickle me and a time where Charles will no longer be asking me to write down lyrics and chords to songs for him.

And just like being an RA, it’s the little moments. It’s these little moments that keep me here. And in the end, I’ll hope that I have been enough and have never let them down. And I’ll wonder late at night if they liked having me around.

So I am happy to know that for now, I still have ten weeks left here in Uganda.

And while we're at it...take a little look at the things the boys in the house do to Taylor and I. All the girls write us sincere letters constantly. So the boys took it upon themselves to write Taylor and I each a letter. Here is the letter we each received. They found it real funny. Yes...there was nothing written inside. Typical.

17 Kids and Counting

I have found that living in the New Creation Family Home here in Uganda is like having 17 younger brothers and sisters. I’ll admit, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have a family as large as the Duggars. And well, now I know. All I have to say is that there is never a dull moment. Each child in this home has their own personality, but they all come together as one.

You’ve got Bena, the free spirited.
Sara, the kind and gentle soul who keeps to herself.
Margret, the love-bug.
Henry and Lawrence, the joksters.
Charles the “big brother.”
Anne Marie, the “little sister.”
And the list just runs on.

Each morning as we leave our room, Taylor and I are greeted with “hello, Auntie” and are soon after given tea for breakfast. Although, we never quite know when the tea is actually ready since Henry and Lawrence like to trick us. The girls give us hugs and absolutely love seeing photos of our friends and family.

I think what I am going to miss the most about Uganda is all the little moments with the kids. Especially all the “lying” the boys do. They like to trick as all the time, and we find it absolutely amusing. Let me give you some examples:

-Sunday morning I was leaving my room when Henry came up to me and asked why I was dressed nicely. I responded, telling him that I was dressed for church. He proceeded to tell me that it wasn’t Sunday and that Sunday was the following day.

-When asking what something was in the kitchen, one of the boys tried to convince us it was a jetpack.

-And the best yet, Lawrence told us our Sloppy Joes were made with toilet water. When telling him that our Sloppy Joes at home had more sauce in them, he said, “Don’t worry, don’t worry, don’t worry.” Auntie Taylor then said, “I’m not worried!” and Lawrence interrupts by stating, “I’ll add more water next week.”

At the end of the night we tried to scare Charles and Lawrence, but unfortunately it did not work so well. I hid in the pantry and Taylor asked them to show her where the bananas were. I hardly startled Charles and it didn’t even faze Lawrence.

So, Tay and I are in the process of thinking of our next move on the boys to play along with this little game of theirs.

The girls have been writing us letters and drawing us photos constantly. Taylor hung hers on our wall last night and it’s just so heartwarming to see. We were talking about how it was going to be hard/sad being at home with all these letters and drawings missing the kids.

I absolutely love living in the family home. Uganda is different, but it’s perfect. I am sure some of you are wondering what’s different about Uganda, so here you go:

-We bathe in a bucket

-Our toilet does not flush, so when we need to flush we fill a bucket with water and pour it in the toilet…it then flushes

-You cannot put toilet paper in the toilet

-The birds sound like monkeys

-Lizards are welcome in the home…we’ve named ours, Lizzy

-There are not really any rules for driving on the road

-The pedestrian never has the right of way, always the right to get out of the way

-Children know how to cook and use large knives to cut

-Being resourceful is actually put into play

-Clothes are washed in buckets by hand and are laid out to dry

-Kids are not bratty like those in America, they get what they get and they don’t throw a fit. I’ve never seen a child mad or sincerely upset here. They are genuinely happy.

- Hair. My hair is played with at least four times a day.

-They don’t know who Taylor Swift is…what?! Although, they do know who Justin Bieber is. Typical.

And one last thing, the weather closely resembles that of Sacramento. Although the heat is a bit harsher since we are closer to the equator.

Oh, and P.S. The kids think Taylor looks like Ashley Tisdale from High School Musical. It’s one of the most amusing things ever.

Classroom Chaos

Taylor and I completed our first day of teaching the P-3 class and let’s just say, culture shock! Before coming to Uganda, I had this idea in my head that the students were going to be nothing like those in America. And boy was I right…and well so completely wrong at the same time. I had always thought the students were going to be great listeners, never messing around or getting distracted, and just beyond excited to be there learning. I am going to flat out say that I have so much more respect for American classrooms after today. Any class or student that I ever thought was difficult doesn’t compare. And I don’t put it on the kids here, I just think it’s the culture. And I'm not familiar with this culture quite yet.

I found that it’s completely normal to leave the classroom if you are done with your work, don’t feel like doing your work, or are just bored. It’s also normal for cockroaches two inches long to be in the classroom and the way to take care of them is to kick them. I personally thought it was best to stand on a stool behind Taylor. Chalk disappears just as quickly as guitar picks do, and I’m quite sure they go to the same place. It’s also normal for kids who are not even attending school to sit in your classroom all day long. Standing on the tables is a normal occurrence as well as fighting.

And this is normal. Trying to do anything “fun” is simply out of the question. We realized that quickly. The only way to teach in the classroom is to have the children either copy from the board or their books into their notebooks and then have them solve problems or answer questions. Time does not matter in the classroom, unlike in America. The pace is slow as a tortoise. When the students are done with the assigned work they again leave the classroom or find someone to fight with. Those who become bored or frustrated also leave the classroom.  

During our math lesson on counting from 400-500, only about half of the students were able to complete the task. Some zoomed through, others just didn’t want to do it, and some just didn’t understand. When we tried to explain they became frustrated and gave up. Multiplying by 10 was the same way. We had two students who asked for me problems to solve, while some became frustrated and gave up and left the classroom, while other just sat there not doing anything when we tried to explain.

Working one-on-one only seemed to frustrate some kids more. I think it’s really going to take Taylor and I some time to figure how exactly these classrooms operate. The chaos is not something we are used to. I mean at one point, there were five girls and boys playing with Taylor’s hair while she was trying to read a story. In this moment, I understood why Yvette’s friend cut her hair off when she was in Uganda. It really is a huge distraction.

I am quite sure that both Taylor and I were counting down the minutes until the end of the day because we were just so confused by everything. Riding the boda-boda home, we both said a big hallelujah to the fact that it’s a three day weekend. Taylor and I absolutely love it in the family home. The children are the sweetest little things ever. They never let us take our own plates after dinner, always want to give us hugs, and will do anything for us to spend time with them.

I realized just how big their hearts really are tonight when one of the boys came and asked me if we could play guitar together. He always asks to pay my guitar while I play his. After dinner he worked on teaching “Auntie” (Taylor) how to play guitar. He had so much patience with her. One of the girls then asked to see photos. I showed them the printed photos I had brought along, and Taylor pulled her laptop out. All the kids were gathered around her asking about each photo. One of the girls even grabbed my arms and wrapped them around her.

It was movie night, and I fell asleep on the couch from the long day. I woke up realizing I had my feet propped on a stool, and took them off and said, “I have my feet up where someone could be sitting!” and took them off. One of the girls said to me, “No, Auntie, you put your feet up!” And insisted I rest my feet instead of her sitting.

It’s different here, that’s for sure. The school was different today, but Taylor and I are going to work together this weekend to come up with a plan to help the class run smoothly next week. I am thankful for all the kids in the home and their generous and loving hearts. They have such big hearts for God and simply enjoy life. Joy. Joy is what they have.

I am thankful for this experience and all that it will bring to my life.

Day two, skittaly dittaly do

Another day is down in the books. I found myself waking up at 5:30am, unable to fall back asleep. I just listened to my iPod for a while until Taylor and I actually woke up. For a good part of the morning we observed one of the home school classes which was helpful since we will be teaching the P-6 home school class soon. The kids teach themselves for the most part, reading out of one book together and then copying it down into their notebooks. This makes me a little nervous for teaching, but that is not at all how teaching is done in American schools.

We then ate some breakfast around 10:30am, which was bread and jelly, a banana, and some yummy tea. The bread is quite dense compared to ours in America, but it quite tasty. The bananas are much better than those in America, tasting much sweeter. And the tea, well…nothing really compares. While eating our breakfast Mama Sara came to ask if we were ready to go into town to exchange our money and do a little shopping. We gathered out things and headed off on a boda-boda to the chopping center.

I think my mom would freak if she saw these boda-boda rides. The driver, Taylor, and myself all sit on one little motorcycle, without helmets and speed down the road. I don’t think there are speed limits here and there are speed bumps literally everywhere. Oh yeah, and they drive on the “wrong” side of the road. Weird, and a little scary as well. I find it better to simply look at my surroundings rather than at the road.

Upon arriving at the shopping center we went to the bank to exchange our money. Taylor and were quite excited to realize we made $40 profit on this. Or so we think. We could be doing our math wrong. Be we like to think we actually did make a profit anyhow. After the bank, Mama Sara, Taylor and I went to the super-market. This was kind of like a Walmart. They had everything. We first went to get notebooks for the students. Mama Sara gave Taylor and I money to pay for them and then she headed on her way since she had somewhere to be. Taylor and continued to shop around putting hand soap, room spray, a converter, a small bag of chips, and some cola in our basket. We also amused ourselves with the fact that alcohol is a lot cheaper here. We figured it was a supply and demand issue in the states. I mean, just walk into and AMC suite. Our items totaled up to 10 American dollars which was 19,000 schillings.

After, we had a bit of time before our boda-boda driver would return so we just shopped around and then waited painterly for him to arrive, while talking to a shop worker. She told us about children who were left for the streets by their parents. She told us how they would sleep in the pipes at night and would beg for money or for you to buy small items from them during the day. We soon headed on our way back to the Family Home where we sat on the back porch with another one of the home school classes. We also learned a bit of Ugandan.

This soon turned into hanging out with Joshua and Nicole who are both two years old at the moment. They are absolutely adorable and have won our hearts over. We played hide-and-seek with the older kids and then went inside for worship. The power had gone out at this point and we ate dinner together in the dark. The children always serve us our food and clear our plates for us. They also really enjoy when we have leftovers because they have some big appetites. They serving sizes are huge.

Dinner then lead to Taylor and I crashing on the couch before the girls decided they wanted to braid our hair. It only made me fall asleep easier. I then grabbed my guitar tuner and one of the boys guitars to tune it for him. I had noticed during worship that is was crazy out of tune. While grabbing something from my room, I returned to find the boys out of their room and playing my guitar. They were so excited for me to be tuning their guitars. We then played some worship together before they were off to read before bed.

At this point, being nearly 5 days without showering, Taylor and I decided to attempt to wash our hair…in a bucket and the sing. I think it worked.

It’s different here, that’s for sure. But I really like it. The weather reminds me of California and the kids make my heart oh so happy. I want to remember the little things about my time here. Like the laughter, joy, gentle hands in my own, the chocolate colored skin, and smiles on faces. Each of these kids have been left without parents, but they have more joy than I’ve ever seen someone have. They never argue chores and in fact are never asked to do them. They just do it. When they are called by a Mama, they immediately drop what they are doing and go to them. Their obedience and love for God I astounding. They get along extremely will with one another and each have such big hearts.

I am beyond excited to get to know each of them better.

For now, I am tired and we must wake up at 6:30 because tomorrow we start teaching the P-3 class in the New Creation Centre.

“So, with him on my side I’m fearless, afraid of no one and nothing.”

Psalm 24:1